I constantly tell people to share anything and everything that reminds them of Chris with me. I think some are afraid it will hurt too much if they share with me. Chances are something shared may make me tear up, and hurt for a bit, but it’s normally because I miss him. I always miss him though.
This conversation had been shared with me right after Chris passed, but on Thursday when the tears were already coming it added. That is fine, it was needed. It is needed.
Chris was safe for so many different reasons. His mental health was something I envied but it made him safe when my mind was in a dark place. When I say he’s safe, that is usually what I meant. He was home and my brain knew that. It knew that it was safe to be ‘crazy.’
He was also safe physically as the text shows. I am a nervous person by nature. I jump easy. Yet I knew I was safe. He used to tell me if someone kidnapped me to tell them that he would find them and they better wish I was still alive. His mental health also came into play there because he wasn’t quick to anger. We had played so many scenarios of ‘of this happens, you do this.’
I know I ramble so many times. My mind is constantly this vast area of sorting through feelings and life. This weekend had been missing my safe place. The physical and emotional safe spot. The one I could always rely on.
I just need to keep reminding myself he is still protecting me. He taught me how to take care of myself and raised my self confidence so much. He isn’t completely gone. He never is and never will be. As long as I keep remembering that.