I hold onto cards and notes from people for long amounts of time. I like having those lines of written word to go back to. Since my grandfathers death in 2015, I’ve held onto more than cards. Everything has potential sentimental value and I tend to treat it as such. I don’t hoard things, but it takes me quite some time to let things go.
It’ll be 5 months tomorrow. I don’t sit there and countdown the hours or minutes anymore. However, I am aware of time. I am aware that for the past 3 months Chris’s phone has sat in the drawer unused. For the first couple of months I used it to access documents he had stored. Those, as well as needed passwords, have all been stored in other places However, since late October it hasn’t been used. This led me to offer his phone to my best friend, on the conditions that it wasn’t ever sold or given away and that a case was kept on it.
I was okay with that, until I turned it back on. I still am okay with it, but it’s just.. panicking a bit. I lost my wedding/engagement rings on my recent last minute trip so as of right now i feel like my earrings and necklace are the only things I have left that was his. That doesn’t even make sense as the phone wasn’t given to me, it was his.
I didn’t think I’d be this person, holding onto everything. When all i’m left with is his physical items left behind, it makes it harder. 5 months ago at this time he was on that phone with Chase complaining because they couldn’t update my name on my credit card yet. My name still isn’t updated on it.
Baby steps. I keep telling myself that. The phone isn’t going to a stranger. It’s going to someone who I’ve known longer than Chris. Chris would have already sold it to get the new iPhone. I just need to keep telling myself this, that it’s okay to move on with life. That while things do hold sentimentality, holding onto them won’t bring him back. Nothing can bring him back. What is left are the memories imprinted on my mind and seared on my heart.
So in this ongoing battle of practical vs sentimental, I think starting with giving things to those he adored is a good way to start.