Four years ago I was venturing around San Antonio, falling in love with the city. January 29, 2014 was the first time I met Chris ‘in person’ and the main thing I remember from that day was my brain stopping. I looked for him in this sea of faces and saw him. He reached out and took me in this huge bear hug and I thought ‘oh, so this is what it feels like to not have anxiety or depression.’
I didn’t know that day, or even the next year or so, how important he would become to me. I didn’t know that he would enter my life in such a grand fashion and leave so suddenly. I often made the comment that he felt like a dream. Even moreso after his passing. He doesn’t seem real. We were together such a short amount of time.
I am thankful for this person that I have found. Last Thursday was rough. At one point I got so angry because things happened that wouldn’t had if Chris were here. I wouldn’t be in this area. But he’s gone, and about second tears star falling, Peru calls me and I’m not alone. It’s things like that which help me realize this is okay. It is okay if I feel ready. It’s okay to be where I am.
In 2013 I was in this state and never expected to leave. Things were happening with my family that made it seem impossible. By 2015, I had lived in SA for 9 months. I got out. And I will get out again. Life changes.
2018 doesn’t look nearly like I thought it would even in 2017. Time changes everything. Maybe that’s okay.