Is the fear of my own death. I mean, it’s always been there. I joked with a friend that I could tell I’m becoming happy again because I worry about dying. However, today proved to be a whole different level.
I cried. Hard. I don’t wish this life on anyone. This living without the person you chose to be with dying so suddenly. I became sad, sitting there praying that I don’t leave my family or Perry (there! Have his *real* name).
That sadness entertained with a fear that Perry would pass on. That something catastrophic would happen and I wouldn’t be able to get there. Have I mentioned this is currently a LDR? Because it is. So that has its own set of my worries.
Grief is such this big messed up roller coaster. I’ve lived through my worst nightmare and the aftershocks take me to the ground sometimes. Today was one of those unexpected moments.