One Year

A year has come and gone.  I didn’t update the day of, or even a month following, because the grief hit hard.  It finally became too much to process on my own, on this blog.  I coped, but stress along with missing Raggedy Man became too much and I needed to focus on how to heal.  I’m still learning that.

Peru and I spent ‘D-Day’ with my family, then with his ‘family’ in West Virginia.  We stayed at this amazing little BnB that we hope to again.  It’s so weird, to be so new to this journey and typing about someone else spending the day with me in a romantic fashion.  Except it really wasn’t romantic.  I think i cried that day maybe once, but I was numb to a degree.

A year ago Roo wasn’t with me, now she’s right next to me digging herself into a blanket burrito.  She has been the constant calm during the crazy.  She’s one of the best grounding tools there is.  She knew Chris.  She lived with he and I.  She is forever my little breathing reminder that he wasn’t the dream i think of sometimes.

There’s some big news on the friends front, that i’m sure will be blogged about when the time is right.  It, along with the Ed Sheeran concert in 54 days, is what’s helping me get through.  Plus, all the encouragement from Peru.  I also like to imagine Chris with me, which helps on the days I really struggle.

As always, I am surviving.  It’s more like living now, even if some days that is bad.  i am here.

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